An Analogy

I remember when I used to take multiple choice tests in high school. Occasionally, you'd get a stretch of consecutive questions that all, apparently, had the same answer (let's say, for the sake of this example, "C").

Even though you might have been feeling confident with your answers, when you got to, about, the fourth question in a row with an answer of "C," you'd begin thinking to yourself, "One of these must be wrong. The teacher wouldn't put four "C's" in a row. That's just not logical."

So, inevitably, you'd psych yourself out and change an answer to (let's say) "D," because you had suddenly decided to play a one-sided, psychological chess match with your teacher; a teacher who probably hadn't even realized that he had crafted four questions in a row with an answer of "C."

When you got the test back a few days later, that one answer you had changed to "D" was, of course, wrong, and lo and behold, all four answers were, in fact, "C." You'd then curse yourself, swearing to never again go against your instinct.

By sitting Johnny Damon tonight against the Twins in favor of Justin Christian (hitting leadoff, no less) -- the same Johnny Damon that is 13-32 (.406) on a road trip that has seen your team lose 5 of 7 games and fall four back of the Wild Card lead -- Joe Girardi has essentially changed his answer from "C" to "D."

After watching the Yankees get shut-out tonight and fall to defeat for the fourth consecutive time, it's fair to say that the skipper probably wants that decision back.

I learned to stop overthinking in high school, Joe. How 'bout you?
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RIP, Bobby

Very sad to hear about the passing of Bobby Murcer. I won't turn this into a long-winded eulogy, especially considering not many people will come across this post, but I just thought a few words were in order.

Bobby Murcer seemed like a genuinely good guy. In a broadcasting world where dull, saccharine analysis is the norm, Murcer gave a game life. His observations were enthusiastic, spontaneous, and even comically bizarre (I believed for years that Bobby had taken a few nips of the flask before stepping into the booth). He always carried a childlike quality that reminded us that this was only a game; a wonderfully exciting and special game.

The reaction of those who knew him to the news only furthers the widely held belief that Murcer was the real deal. I watched (and listened) today as both Joe Girardi and radio voice John Sterling wept openly after being told of his passing. While many thoughtful memories have been and will be shared, hearing these voices crack left me believing in the goodness of Bobby.

And, while I never watched him play (or, at least, can't remember watching him play) I still get emotional watching a replay of Murcer slash that game-winning single against the Orioles on the day that his best friend, Thurman Munson, was laid to rest.
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Joe Girardi: Mad Scientist

As if trying to announce to the world, "This ain't Torre's team no more!" (boy, he uses bad grammar) Joe Girardi has raised eyebrows in Kansas City tonight by pulling Ian Kennedy from his scheduled start a mere 15 minutes before game time.

The official reasoning behind the move is that a forecast of rain could have wreaked havoc on young, impressionable, Mr. Kennedy, and the braintrust did not feel comfortable starting him up and abruptly pulling the plug. (Note: before the first inning concluded a downpour ensued, proving that meteorologists are actually right sometimes.)

Girardi's answer to a lack of a starting pitcher? Throw the whole bullpen out there! As of this writing, Brian Bruney, Billy Traber, and Kyle Farnsworth (the only one to give up a run thus far, of course) have already pitched, and we're only in the 5th inning. Now, while I understand the concern for the Kool-Aid Brigade (although I still say that if they belong on the club then they should be treated like everybody else), blowing up the entire 'pen over the course of one game with the Royals seems suspect. Remember, this is the same team that couldn't buy an out from their relief corp by the end of '07...and Brian Bruney was lights-out for the first-half of last year, too.

There does seem to be a method to our new Joe's madness, however. Being the sleuth that I am, I am betting the house that the "Kennedy assassination" (too soon?) has been committed due to the fact that Girardi doesn't want Phil Hughes pitching in Fenway. See, now, Kennedy can pitch the finale in K.C. tomorrow, leaving Andy Pettitte, Chin Mien-Wang, and Mike Mussina to pitch the Boston series this weekend. Note the above are all "seasoned" starters, which (in theory) improves the Yankees chances of beating the Sawx.

Seems a bit desperate, the whole devastating-the-bullpen-so-Hughes- and-Kennedy-don't-have their-fragile-psyches-shattered thing, but if the Yankees sweep in Boston (or simply win the series) we'll be hearing all about the genius of Girardi.

Now, about this Kansas City game...

EDIT: Ian Kennedy has entered the game in the 6th inning, trailing 2-0. What in holy fucking hell is going on?! Please, please, please, Baseball God(s), don't make Joe Girardi one of those bat-shit insane managers who thinks that they're cutting edge because they "don't go by the book."
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The Professor Presents Your Monthly Dose of Cock-eyed Optimism

I feel we need balance. Don't get me wrong...I am frightened. I've seen what every Yankee starter not named after a penis has looked like thus far. I know about Giambi's injury. I know Johnny Damon is swinging (and still throwing) like me. But we have reason for optimism, fellow fans.

And away we go...(feel free to go ahead and kill me in the comments):

1. Matsui - he's hitting pretty well despite the fact that he's still pulling off the ball. Am I the only one who's seeing this? Even the during the single up the middle today I'm pretty sure his right foot was running toward the dugout.

2. Mo & Joba - It's only been 3 wins, but is there anyone out there who doesn't think that it's entirely realistic that these guys could really "shorten" the games to 6 or 7 innings? Joba has been great, lucky too, but great nonetheless. And Mariano is making all of those guys in my fantasy league who let him drop to me as the 8th closer taken look like the Boston-bandwagon posers they are. Assholes. How you like that Huston Street now?

3. Girardi - He stands up in the dugout during the game. He paces a little. He crosses his arms. It wasn't until today that I realized how much Torre's non-reactions were getting to me over the years. It's enough to me that Joe G occasionally proves his leg muscles work.

4. Dave Eiland - Has continually stressed how much he wants his pitchers to throw inside to keep batters uncomfortable. I cannot wait for David Ortiz's first at bat against us this year. If his feet don't move after the first one or two pitches I will be severely disappointed.

5. Abreu - Quietly going about his business and doing exactly what we expected of him this year.

So, my friends, rejoice! We weren't the ones who were just swept by the Blue Jays!
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The Professor and The Madman Welcomes The Madman

As the 2008 season progresses and all of you (all 10's of you currently reading "Piss and Wynegar") get to know me, Pasqua, and my colleague, Maas, one thing will become readily apparent: I'm insane.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am a rather rabid Yankees fan, despite a relatively kind and unassuming (and, admittedly, ruggedly handsome) exterior. I am the Bruce Banner of Yankees fans. Case and point: when the Yankees lose there is a part of me that actually believes that they have done so with the sole intention of spiting me. And that's not healthy.

Maas, on the other hand, is a gentleman and a scholar. I only know him to have thrown a chair in anger over a sporting event once, and I think that event was a New York Giants loss. His perspective is less, shall we say, unstable.

So, while we're both passionate and (hopefully, you'll agree) knowledgeable about the Bombers, we are, indeed, "The Professor and The Madman."

Now, with that off of my chest, I shall continue. From time to time, Maas and I will post our "observations" regarding the state of the team. Four games into the season, and with a .500 record secured, I will begin. Forgive the Larry King-style commentary:

1. Despite the 5 month absence of baseball, I feel like I'm watching these games in July. Maybe it's the lack of hitting, or Mike Mussina's horribleness, but the whole feel to the start of this season is rather blah.

2. Holy shit do Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui look old.

3. I think it's adorable that the Yankees signed LaTroy Hawkins to make Kyle Farnsworth feel better about himself. Everybody needs a buddy.

4. Are we going to ask Joe Girardi how he feel about his ____ win every time he wins? "Joe, does the seventy-second win feel as good as the first win? How does it compare?"

5. I am alarmed by the fact that the best defense on the team is being played by Jason Giambi. It makes me believe that there is a rip in the fabric of the space-time continuum.

6. Base coaches' helmets = machismo.

7. Why I Love Yankees' Fans, Installment #1: As LaTroy Hawkins was in the midst of surrendering 6 runs to the Rays in 2/3 an inning of work, the crowd began to chant "Paul O'Neill!" at him, referencing the fact that Hawkins is the first player to wear #21 since O'Neill retired, and that he has already soiled the sanctity of the jersey.

8. Why I Hate John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman, Installment #1: Waldman, on air, asks NY Daily News writer Anthony McCarron, "What did you think of Ian Kennedy tonight, despite the fact that he was getting squeezed on the corners?" Kennedy's line on 4/4: 2.1 IP, 6 ER, 4 H, 4 BB, 2 K). Why even answer the question, Suzyn? It's quite obvious Ian got squeezed to the tune of 6 earned runs.

9. This is, I'm sure, too cynical, but it's unbelievably frustrating to me that Jorge Posada plays out of his mind in his contract year without so much as a head cold, gets his 4-year, $60 million deal, and is out with a sore shoulder after one game.

10. Joba Chamberlain is awesome to watch, but kind of a dick, and he will get one of his teammates maimed or killed this year. He will battle-cry-fist-pump his way to a fastball to the back of A-Rod's head.

Okay...there you have it. Mild commentary for now. But the season is young, and I am a sick, sick man.
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If At First Joe Doesn't Succeed, Try Another Joe

That man lurking in the foreground, scheming and dreaming of the moment that he would kill the good and benevolent King Torre, is your new Yankees skipper, Joe Girardi.

With all due respect to the former king, Mr. Torre, who most certainly proved himself to be a gentleman and a scholar in his tenure with the Bombers, we are more appreciative of the new look at the helm than we are of the memory of Torre calmly sipping green tea in the dugout while trying to force Scott Proctor into early retirement.

Frankly, the fact that Joe Girardi could earn Manager of the Year in 2006 and simultaneously get himself fired by the Marlins is something we thought only Ozzie Guillen was capable of. We are intrigued, to say the least. Also, his managerial approach sounds vaguely similar to that of Buck Showalter. So, while he will bring a hands-on approach to each and every game like Buck, we also have to assume this means that the Yankees won't win a championship until 2011 (the year after Girardi is fired and all of his well-laid plans come to fruition), like Buck.

As sacrilegious as it might sound, the truth of the matter is that, at this stage, anybody was a better choice than Torre. Again, Joe #1 is, no doubt, a fantastic man with Reiki-like powers, but we can't help feeling that the job had finally passed him by. You see, Joe Torre never really changed his in-game approach; it only occasionally alternated between mildly questionable and disturbingly questionable. The decisions he made from 1996-2001 simply worked out. From 2002-on, the magic touch failed him. Whether remaining ridiculously loyal to players who had no business being on the field (see: Gary Sheffield, 2006 postseason), or trusting too few men in the bullpen (see: Proctor, Scott; Nelson, Jeff; Quantrill, Paul; etc.) to the point that he began to damage them, the cracks in Torre's armor were beginning to show.

And, by the way, in case you don't believe us on the whole "questionable approach" thesis, look no further than a recent L.A. Dodgers Spring Training article in which Torre heaps praise on Mr. Juan Pierre and essentially guarantees him a starting spot in a talent-heavy pool of outfielders (Pierre notwithstanding):

“I’ve always been one to favor experience….Juan Pierre brings so many things. He plays all the time,he gets 200 hits, steals 60 bases. We know he has no power, but he’s a gamer. He’s the type of player that fits into a winning situation.”

Its seems important to point out here that Juan Pierre isn't a very good player. He makes a lot of outs -- a lot of them -- and his "gamer-ness" involves a great deal of bad decisions at the plate. But, because he's got "experience," Torre's going to give him a shot. Now, Yankees fans, remember that this was the man managing our team for the last 12 seasons. He gave us a lot of thrills, but he's also giving Juan Pierre a starting job.

So, we here at "Piss and Wynegar" give Joe Girardi our heartfelt congratulations and support. Godspeed, sir, and good luck. We're glad that, finally, following a crushing loss to a division rival late in the season, we can imagine tables and chairs being flipped over in the clubhouse in a Billy Martin-esque rage.