VT Stands for "Very Touching" (And Don't You Forget It)

As a preamble to the following post, let us first say that we think the fact that the Yankees have traveled up to Virginia Tech to play the baseball team in an exhibition game is awesome. Truly. It must be an absolute blast for the college boys (and their fans) to have the Bombers come in, play their regulars, and give a community that endured an indescribably horrible tragedy a thrill. It's a classy gesture that should be praised in all respects.

And this is what makes the YES Network coverage of the event all the more cringe-worthy.

I have watched a majority of the play-by-play and have opted to mute my television for the simple fact that the self-congratulatory genuflecting has begun to make me ill. At every possible turn, Michael Kay (YES' #1 Yankees broadcaster, in case you didn't know) has praised the Yankees for their selfless desire to play this game. Honestly, Kay seems to be one ball-out-of-play-moment-of-downtime away from suggesting that the Yankees be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

We've also been told that every one of these Va. Tech kids is giddy as a schoolgirl to be playing the same men they grew up watching on television. Every single one of them. Seriously. There is not one ballplayer on this team that slept last night. That's how excited they are. And do you know why? Because it's the fucking Yankees they're playing, that's why.

What I learned today by watching YES:

*Every member of the Yankees wanted to be here. They were passionate about being here. (Except Mike Mussina, Mariano Rivera and Jose Molina. Those douchebags are playing in minor league games back in Florida.)

*One of the Virginia Tech pitchers is such a big Yankees fan that he has several Yankees hats. Different colors, and everything!

*Alex Rodriguez decided to sit in the Va. Tech dugout and mingle with the little peop...err...college club. And he's signing autographs! Can you believe it?!

*Shelley Duncan is not a good first baseman.

*The sight of a sold out VT stadium is nothing short of "moving."

*If the Va. Tech team looks a little sloppy, it's just because they're so gosh darn nervous to be playing the New York Yankees!

*The VT head coach is a Red Sox fan, but he's allowed his sons to don pinstriped uniforms and serve as Yankees bat boys! See? The Yankees are better!

*The Yankees presence is helping with "the healing."

*The result of every Va. Tech at-bat is not a hit, walk, error or out...it's a dream come true.

Let's be honest, folks. While we're sure the Yankees, collectively, considered it an honor to play a part in this game, and the VT boys will have stories to tell forever, there is something to be said for letting a moment breathe. Is it necessary to constantly remind us of how momentous an experience is, or, in this case, how wonderful the Yankees are?

Wait. What's that?

Michael Kay is telling me, "YES."

Gary Sheffield: Fragile Terminator

You know, as of this evening, four days of Spring Training had passed and something just didn't feel right. I hadn't been able to place my finger on it. Was it the overkill on the Clemens / HGH story? The litany of NBA trades being made? The fact that I have a baby due any second? No. I realize now: I was missing Gary Sheffield pouring on his specially designed brand of crazy.

Thank goodness all is now right with the world.

Now, this particular version of Gary-crazy happens to be difficult for me to come to terms with, especially since Sheff is directing his ever-present bile at another loathsome character in Scott Boras, his former agent. Seems that Gary is threatening to unload a whole bunch of "ugly things" (read: crazy, likely delusional, things) about Boras because of some pending litigation related to Boras's involvement (or lack thereof) in the completion of Sheffiled's 2004 contract with the Yankees.

Like any good Yankees fan -- heck, like any good baseball fan -- I maintain a great deal of disdain for Boras and his ego-maniacal, subversive tactics as an agent. The guy is skeevy, to say the least, and I have gleaned a great deal of satisfaction this offseason watching his high profile clients (A-Rod) and not-so-high profile clients (Kenny Rogers) tell him to shove it. The problem is, when Boras's combatant is Gary Sheffield, I really don't know who to root for.

When he was a Yankee, I really dug Sheff. He played hard, he played hurt, and he produced. But I always separated On-the-Field-Sheff and Off-the-Field-Sheff because, frankly, Off-the-Field-Sheff was, and is, an intolerable, insolent man-child. He has carried a victim complex with him throughout his career and, no matter how happy he seems at the beginning of a contract, you can bet the house that he will be whining and crying about being disrespected by the end of it.

What is so irksome about this new story is that, not only is Sheffield complaining again, he has created a seemingly new persona: baseball vigilante. He's the dude with the goods. Don't play with fire, or you might get burned. You get the idea.

Note some of his gems while talking to reporters about the Boras issue:

"[What I have to say about Boras] ain't going to be pretty...No fine is going to be big enough. No suspension is going to be long enough."

Oh, Gary. You big, bad man. You aren't scared of anybody, are you? You're so tough, I peed myself a little bit just reading that quote.

"Actually, I'm not supposed to be talking about [the case] at all...But, I am anyway."

You're a loner, Gary. A rebel. You and Pee-Wee Herman.

"Can you explain why (Miguel) Tejada gets [a six year contract], (Vladimir) Guerrero gets five years and I get three? [Boras] cost me two years of a contract because he was trying to tarnish my name."

Yes, indeed, Gary. Scott Boras cost you two years guaranteed on a contract that you, yourself, admit to negotiating with George Steinbrenner on your own. Hey! Maybe you should pick a fight with yourself now! That would be awesome.

And, finally, the topper:

"The whole year (2003) in Atlanta , I had to get the players' association to stop [Boras] from writing me threatening letters saying, 'Either you let me do your contract or I'll be forced to sue you.' That's a threat and harassment."

Actually, Gary, that's a heads-up. But, that's also beside the point. Reader, do you see how easily and quickly Gary transitioned from aggressor to victim there? It's like he's the schoolyard punk with the rich parents; the one who likes to harass all of the smaller kids but then runs home crying once somebody pokes him in the shoulder. Poor Gary's being threatened! What are you going to do about it player's association? Ugh.

In the end, I don't mean to paint Scott Boras as innocent here. In fact, I feel confident that his dealings were probably shady in some form or another. But I just can't take Sheffield's continual need for attention and sympathy. He's made a career of burning every bridge he's ever crossed and, not only is his act infuriating, it's predictable.

Gary, when you play a game for a living, and get paid millions to do it, most fans have no respect for insufferable babies. If MLB is out to get you, why don't you just go away? I have a sneaky feeling no one will chase after you.
_

If At First Joe Doesn't Succeed, Try Another Joe

That man lurking in the foreground, scheming and dreaming of the moment that he would kill the good and benevolent King Torre, is your new Yankees skipper, Joe Girardi.

With all due respect to the former king, Mr. Torre, who most certainly proved himself to be a gentleman and a scholar in his tenure with the Bombers, we are more appreciative of the new look at the helm than we are of the memory of Torre calmly sipping green tea in the dugout while trying to force Scott Proctor into early retirement.

Frankly, the fact that Joe Girardi could earn Manager of the Year in 2006 and simultaneously get himself fired by the Marlins is something we thought only Ozzie Guillen was capable of. We are intrigued, to say the least. Also, his managerial approach sounds vaguely similar to that of Buck Showalter. So, while he will bring a hands-on approach to each and every game like Buck, we also have to assume this means that the Yankees won't win a championship until 2011 (the year after Girardi is fired and all of his well-laid plans come to fruition), like Buck.

As sacrilegious as it might sound, the truth of the matter is that, at this stage, anybody was a better choice than Torre. Again, Joe #1 is, no doubt, a fantastic man with Reiki-like powers, but we can't help feeling that the job had finally passed him by. You see, Joe Torre never really changed his in-game approach; it only occasionally alternated between mildly questionable and disturbingly questionable. The decisions he made from 1996-2001 simply worked out. From 2002-on, the magic touch failed him. Whether remaining ridiculously loyal to players who had no business being on the field (see: Gary Sheffield, 2006 postseason), or trusting too few men in the bullpen (see: Proctor, Scott; Nelson, Jeff; Quantrill, Paul; etc.) to the point that he began to damage them, the cracks in Torre's armor were beginning to show.

And, by the way, in case you don't believe us on the whole "questionable approach" thesis, look no further than a recent L.A. Dodgers Spring Training article in which Torre heaps praise on Mr. Juan Pierre and essentially guarantees him a starting spot in a talent-heavy pool of outfielders (Pierre notwithstanding):

“I’ve always been one to favor experience….Juan Pierre brings so many things. He plays all the time,he gets 200 hits, steals 60 bases. We know he has no power, but he’s a gamer. He’s the type of player that fits into a winning situation.”

Its seems important to point out here that Juan Pierre isn't a very good player. He makes a lot of outs -- a lot of them -- and his "gamer-ness" involves a great deal of bad decisions at the plate. But, because he's got "experience," Torre's going to give him a shot. Now, Yankees fans, remember that this was the man managing our team for the last 12 seasons. He gave us a lot of thrills, but he's also giving Juan Pierre a starting job.

So, we here at "Piss and Wynegar" give Joe Girardi our heartfelt congratulations and support. Godspeed, sir, and good luck. We're glad that, finally, following a crushing loss to a division rival late in the season, we can imagine tables and chairs being flipped over in the clubhouse in a Billy Martin-esque rage.

Spring Has Sprung A Blog

Greetings, friends. Welcome to "Piss and Wynegar," a blog determined to gleefully deconstruct the goings-on of our favorite Major League Baseball team, the New York Yankees, as they and their fans embark on yet another year of A-Rod bashing, Melky-worshiping, and fatalistic calls to sports talk radio stations after losing two out of three to the Orioles in April.

The full squad has reported to Tampa, the crack of the bat can be heard echoing throughout this great land of ours and, finally, we can turn our attention to talk of baseb -- what? [pause.] Seriously? A press conference? About what? Shit.

As you can plainly see, it's going to be a fantastic year. When talk of shooting syringes into one's ass is the hot topic of conversation on the first day of Spring Training it can only portent wonderful things down that proverbial 162 game road.

Let's all savor the moment, shall we?

In short, "Piss and Wynegar" has been created to add its collective two cents to the already overgrown world of Yankee coverage. Why? Because we feel like it. And we hope that we can add some perspective.

A simple approach applies to this site: 1) We love the Yankees, and have since we were itsy-bitsy li'l boys hitting .205 in Little League, still believing that we could "make it" in the Bigs someday; however, 2) We recognize that a lot of ridiculous shit goes on throughout the year and we are just as passionate about being critical as we are about watching the Bombers win a World Series.

In other words, while we defend the honor of Derek Jeter and the like, we don't drink the Kool-Aid when it comes to reality. Hopefully, that'll be enough to make it interesting. If not, well...we can always rely on a good ol' fashioned "Sawx Suck!" post to even the playing field.

So, come for the Yankee talk. Stay for the dry wit and cynical perspective of the authors. Welcome to "Piss and Wynegar."