Idiocy Led To Four Championships

It's time for some anecdotal fun! This little piece of eye-popping information comes directly from the mouth of Bob Watson, the former Yankees General Manager and the man responsible for hiring Joe Torre in the winter of 1995; a move that ushered in the "dynasty era" that spoiled all of us to death.

I happened to catch a WFAN interview with Mr. Watson, who was attending the All-Star FanFest in NYC. One of the questions posed to him was, "What made you hire Joe Torre?" A good question, especially considering the fact that Torre's managerial career to that point had not been very illustrious (the NY Daily News front page headline on the day of the signing was, "CLUELESS JOE").

So, was it Torre's calm, professional presence that made Watson hire him? His baseball acumen? His ability to "diffuse controversy," or his penchant for green tea?

"He was my idol," responded Bob Watson, then-GM of the richest franchise in all of sport.

He hired Joe Torre because he "idolized" him as a player.

Holy shit.

Does anyone else find this unnerving? Don't you think that there should be a few more...I don't know...qualifications involved in picking your manager?! Until now I have romanticized the early-to-mid-90's period in Yankees' administrative history. I have always imagined Gene Michael, Showalter, and Watson (not Steinbrenner...not him) concocting a masterful plan for world domination, then putting that plan in motion by destroying one of its creators (Buck) and hiring Torre.

Now I realize, had the cards fallen a little differently, a guy like Joe Pepitone could have been the successor to Buck Showalter. No wonder everything is so difficult for this team now. We're finally paying back the karma loan.
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The Professor Presents Your Monthly Dose of Cock-eyed Optimism

I feel we need balance. Don't get me wrong...I am frightened. I've seen what every Yankee starter not named after a penis has looked like thus far. I know about Giambi's injury. I know Johnny Damon is swinging (and still throwing) like me. But we have reason for optimism, fellow fans.

And away we go...(feel free to go ahead and kill me in the comments):

1. Matsui - he's hitting pretty well despite the fact that he's still pulling off the ball. Am I the only one who's seeing this? Even the during the single up the middle today I'm pretty sure his right foot was running toward the dugout.

2. Mo & Joba - It's only been 3 wins, but is there anyone out there who doesn't think that it's entirely realistic that these guys could really "shorten" the games to 6 or 7 innings? Joba has been great, lucky too, but great nonetheless. And Mariano is making all of those guys in my fantasy league who let him drop to me as the 8th closer taken look like the Boston-bandwagon posers they are. Assholes. How you like that Huston Street now?

3. Girardi - He stands up in the dugout during the game. He paces a little. He crosses his arms. It wasn't until today that I realized how much Torre's non-reactions were getting to me over the years. It's enough to me that Joe G occasionally proves his leg muscles work.

4. Dave Eiland - Has continually stressed how much he wants his pitchers to throw inside to keep batters uncomfortable. I cannot wait for David Ortiz's first at bat against us this year. If his feet don't move after the first one or two pitches I will be severely disappointed.

5. Abreu - Quietly going about his business and doing exactly what we expected of him this year.

So, my friends, rejoice! We weren't the ones who were just swept by the Blue Jays!
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If At First Joe Doesn't Succeed, Try Another Joe

That man lurking in the foreground, scheming and dreaming of the moment that he would kill the good and benevolent King Torre, is your new Yankees skipper, Joe Girardi.

With all due respect to the former king, Mr. Torre, who most certainly proved himself to be a gentleman and a scholar in his tenure with the Bombers, we are more appreciative of the new look at the helm than we are of the memory of Torre calmly sipping green tea in the dugout while trying to force Scott Proctor into early retirement.

Frankly, the fact that Joe Girardi could earn Manager of the Year in 2006 and simultaneously get himself fired by the Marlins is something we thought only Ozzie Guillen was capable of. We are intrigued, to say the least. Also, his managerial approach sounds vaguely similar to that of Buck Showalter. So, while he will bring a hands-on approach to each and every game like Buck, we also have to assume this means that the Yankees won't win a championship until 2011 (the year after Girardi is fired and all of his well-laid plans come to fruition), like Buck.

As sacrilegious as it might sound, the truth of the matter is that, at this stage, anybody was a better choice than Torre. Again, Joe #1 is, no doubt, a fantastic man with Reiki-like powers, but we can't help feeling that the job had finally passed him by. You see, Joe Torre never really changed his in-game approach; it only occasionally alternated between mildly questionable and disturbingly questionable. The decisions he made from 1996-2001 simply worked out. From 2002-on, the magic touch failed him. Whether remaining ridiculously loyal to players who had no business being on the field (see: Gary Sheffield, 2006 postseason), or trusting too few men in the bullpen (see: Proctor, Scott; Nelson, Jeff; Quantrill, Paul; etc.) to the point that he began to damage them, the cracks in Torre's armor were beginning to show.

And, by the way, in case you don't believe us on the whole "questionable approach" thesis, look no further than a recent L.A. Dodgers Spring Training article in which Torre heaps praise on Mr. Juan Pierre and essentially guarantees him a starting spot in a talent-heavy pool of outfielders (Pierre notwithstanding):

“I’ve always been one to favor experience….Juan Pierre brings so many things. He plays all the time,he gets 200 hits, steals 60 bases. We know he has no power, but he’s a gamer. He’s the type of player that fits into a winning situation.”

Its seems important to point out here that Juan Pierre isn't a very good player. He makes a lot of outs -- a lot of them -- and his "gamer-ness" involves a great deal of bad decisions at the plate. But, because he's got "experience," Torre's going to give him a shot. Now, Yankees fans, remember that this was the man managing our team for the last 12 seasons. He gave us a lot of thrills, but he's also giving Juan Pierre a starting job.

So, we here at "Piss and Wynegar" give Joe Girardi our heartfelt congratulations and support. Godspeed, sir, and good luck. We're glad that, finally, following a crushing loss to a division rival late in the season, we can imagine tables and chairs being flipped over in the clubhouse in a Billy Martin-esque rage.