The Professor Presents Your Monthly Dose of Cock-eyed Optimism

I feel we need balance. Don't get me wrong...I am frightened. I've seen what every Yankee starter not named after a penis has looked like thus far. I know about Giambi's injury. I know Johnny Damon is swinging (and still throwing) like me. But we have reason for optimism, fellow fans.

And away we go...(feel free to go ahead and kill me in the comments):

1. Matsui - he's hitting pretty well despite the fact that he's still pulling off the ball. Am I the only one who's seeing this? Even the during the single up the middle today I'm pretty sure his right foot was running toward the dugout.

2. Mo & Joba - It's only been 3 wins, but is there anyone out there who doesn't think that it's entirely realistic that these guys could really "shorten" the games to 6 or 7 innings? Joba has been great, lucky too, but great nonetheless. And Mariano is making all of those guys in my fantasy league who let him drop to me as the 8th closer taken look like the Boston-bandwagon posers they are. Assholes. How you like that Huston Street now?

3. Girardi - He stands up in the dugout during the game. He paces a little. He crosses his arms. It wasn't until today that I realized how much Torre's non-reactions were getting to me over the years. It's enough to me that Joe G occasionally proves his leg muscles work.

4. Dave Eiland - Has continually stressed how much he wants his pitchers to throw inside to keep batters uncomfortable. I cannot wait for David Ortiz's first at bat against us this year. If his feet don't move after the first one or two pitches I will be severely disappointed.

5. Abreu - Quietly going about his business and doing exactly what we expected of him this year.

So, my friends, rejoice! We weren't the ones who were just swept by the Blue Jays!
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Hi! My Name Is: Bobby Abreu (RF)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Despite a spell early in 2007 during which Bobby Abreu held the bat upside down and swung at pitches as if they were delicate flowers, one of the best moves the Yankees made this offseason was picking up the option on their strong-armed rightfielder. Knowing that the Stadium would have to be re-mortgaged to sign Rivera, Posada and "He of the 10 Pee Tests," A-Rod, Brian Cashman’s decision to pay Abreu $16 million seemed downright fiscally responsible. Some fans were dismayed by Abreu’s tendency to slump in ’07, but the alternatives to this Latin heartthrob were few and paltry. What’s more, once some intriguing RF options were snapped up before hitting the open market (I’m looking at you, Ichiro) Bobby became the logical choice.

Abreu’s .369 OBP did not set the world on fire last year, but the man scored 123 runs (the most in his career) and was second on the team in walks with 84. And, while he continued to be the poster child for skipping the Home Run Derby (only 16 dingers for the former basher), Bobby managed 101 RBI and was second on the team in SB, with 25. Factor in a sickeningly good arm (and deduct points for his apparent fear of running into walls), you can’t be disappointed to have this guy batting third in your lineup. True, like Damon and Matsui, people love to say Abreu is over-the-hill with every 0-4, but his track record suggests another solid year, so long as his fiancée doesn’t bang a stranger in a hot tub on Venezuelan television and cause a distraction…again.