Hi! My Name Is: Ross Ohlendorf (RP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Ohlendorf: Swedish for "He of the least-baseball-sounding names."

Luckily, this little German can throw.

Ross has only had the proverbial cup of coffee in the Bigs, but the Dutchman's late movement has been talked-up for over a year since he was aquired in the Randy Johnson trade. What's more, as he develops this year (and he looks like he's got a fairly secure spot on the depth chart) he may very well be able to rack-up the strikeouts.

While his homeland nation of Turkey anxiously awaits Ohlendorf's rise to superstar status, we anxiuosly await his role as mop-up boy and occasional 6th-inning-holds guy.

Switzerland.

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Hi! My Name Is: Mike Mussina (SP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

He's like Ian Kennedy!

See how I brought it full circle there?

Mike Mussina is freaking old, and like any old person he's going to have good days and bad days, but we won't know which is which until they actually occur.

Mussina has the dubious honor of being the official "question mark target" of the New York media this year, which is to say every good outing will be met with remarks about his "veteran wiliness," or "withered gamerness," or whatever meaningless phrase about his age / ability they can come up with. On the flipside, each bad outing will be written about as the beginning of the end; that it's time for Moose to retire to his crossword puzzles because he's hurting his team.

Based on last year's performance, it appears that the latter will be in print more often than the former. The reason? Mussina sucked last year to the tune of a much-maligned 5.15 ERA. While ERA is not at all the greatest measure of a pitcher's effectiveness, it was high enough to prove how inconsistent and ineffective he was (it was his career-worst by over one-half a run). Mix in 188 hits in a paltry 152 innings, and you have yourself the makings of a god-awful season.

That said, Mussina's importance to this team cannot be denied. With Hughes and Kennedy gigantic question marks and Pettitte already experiencing creaky injuries, Mussina might actually have to anchor this staff in the middle of the rotation. And that is a scary thought. A lot is riding on what is, surely, Moose's last year. For one, he'll need to eat more innings, especially with Hughes, Kennedy, and Joba all on ridiculously strict innings counts. He'll need to stay healthy also, as it appears Pettitte has that market cornered. And, frankly, he'll have to swallow his pride and learn how to pitch as a 39 year old with no more fastball.

In other words, [insert name of long relief man] is already warming up in the 'pen.

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Hi! My Name Is: Ian Kennedy (SP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

He's like Mike Mussina!

No! No...he's like Greg Maddux!

No! No, no, no. He's like Pedro Martinez on those days when his arm hurts and he has to put all sorts of funky stuff on his pitches just to get by!

Lots of analogies have been made to explain Ian Kennedy's style. In short, he appears to be a finesse guy. Not overpowering. Relies heavily on placement. His pitches move and dart and scream, "I"m sorry! I love you!" as they cross the plate.

From what we've seen of Kennedy, which of course isn't much, he appears to have the caliber of stuff that will allow him to succeed. If you thought Phil Hughes' sample size was small, Ian's 19 Big League innings are indicative of nothing (less than a hit an inning, 15 K's, 9 BB); however, at the risk of sounding ill-informed, he sort of "looks" like the prototypical back-of-the-rotation kind of pitcher.

Everyone throws his name into the "young phenom" mix, but nobody really has any expectations for him. In other words, he's definitely the forgotten child of the Kool-Aid Brigade, and that could serve him well as he goes about his business. Just remember Yankees fans: he's a fifth starter. Leave him be.

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Hi! My Name Is: Phil Hughes (SP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Phil is leading the charge of what I have lovingly dubbed, "The Kool-Aid Brigade." The "brigade" is made up, of course, of Mr. Hughes, Joba Chamberlain, and Ian Kennedy. The name is derived from the strangely overly-optimistic prognosis for the Yankees pitching staff that has arisen over the course of this off-season. It seems that most everyone truly believes that all three of these guys will blossom in 2008, despite the fact that history (and the law of averages, for that matter) would beg to differ.

But we'll save that for a more cynical post.

As far as Phil Hughes goes, we'll lay bets that he does just fine. In his 13 starts last year, Phil was statistically underwhelming in an admittedly small sample size. His 58 K's in 72.7 innings was okay, while his 29 BB's was alarmingly high. However, the die hard fan inside points to two moments that illicit great optimism:

1) Hughes's 6 1/3 inning "no-hitter" against the Texas Rangers on May 1 was one of the most exciting nights of 2007, as well as one of the most frustrating. His command and movement were "as advertised," and even though he left the game with a hamstring pull, no one could argue that Hughes was not the real deal.

2) Hughes's relief performance against the Indians in Game 3 of the 2007 ALDS was immensley satisfying. He had command, gitty-up and, most importantly, poise on a big stage. It was reminiscent of the Texas game and reminded fans (and maybe the organization) that he had the goods to succeed.

If the aforementioned Phil Hughes shows up for a large chunk of his starts, he'll ensure himself as a fixture for the future. If he doesn't, than the cries of "How could Cashman not make that Santana deal?!" will reign down on the Stadium sooner than we think.

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Hi! My Name Is: LaTroy Hawkins (RP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Dear LaTroy:

Truth be told, I've never liked you as a pitcher. That is to say, in all of your previous "flame throwing" incarnations, whether it be as a starter, or a closer, or a middle reliever, I've giggled gleefully to see you enter games against the Yankees. Why? Because, by and large, I felt confident that you would choke.

Now you're one of us, and I will have to pretend to root for you approximately 80 times this year. I will have to pretend to root for you despite your 4.68 career ERA (101 ERA +) and your tendency to throw wild pitches at inappropriate times. I will have to pretend to root for you with every soul-sucking blown save, many of which -- I have no doubt -- will occur despite being one out away from getting the ball to Joba and/or Mariano. And I will have to pretend to root for you despite the fact that a Baseball-Reference.com search for "similar pitchers" compares you to Byung-Hyung Kim, and I think we all know how well things turned out for him.

Unfortunately, LaTroy, I fear that the best thing that we'll utter about you as the season progresses is, "At least he's gone after this year."

Edit (4/4/08): Thank you for getting back to me so soon, LaTroy! You're line through 4 games and 2 appearances: 2 IP, 7 ER, 8 hits, 0 K.

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[Emergency] Hi! My Name Is: Morgan Ensberg (1B / 3B / OF)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

The Yankees seem to be cultivating a new Spring Training tradition: invite an also-ran utility man to camp and let him make the big club. Last year, Josh Phelps lit it up in Tampa, made the team, and proceeded to crash and burn in the Bronx. This year, it appears that Morgan Ensberg is our man. He's been added to the 40 man roster, and rumor has it that his place amongst the elite 25 is almost guaranteed.

Over the last two years, Ensberg's name has really only come up in conversation when prefaced with "What the hell happened to...?" In 2005, as a 3B, he was a bonafied star for the Astros, belting 36 homers, driving in 101, and posting a SLG of .557. He had not had a year like it before, and he would not have one like it again (though he did hit 25 HR in less than 400 AB in 2003 while batting .291, so he had that going for him). So, what the hell did happen to Morgan Ensberg? Well, injuries led to terrible performance, which led to a loss of employment, which led to a Yankees non-roster invitation.

And, voila! It looks like Morgan's coming north. For what it's worth, we're kind of psyched, even if his ugly 2007 numbers do make him look cooked. He can play 1B, 3B and even dabbles in the outfield (apparently). What's more, the fact that he won't be an everyday player (at least until Jason Giambi suffers a season-threatening paper cut) means that he won't be expected to re-live 2005. In short: Ensberg only has to be slightly better than mediocre and the guy can officially resurrect his career.

Welcom to the club, Morgan. Jason Lane hates you.

To read previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name is: Kyle Farnsworth

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Oh…shit.

Here comes Farnsworth.

All we need to know is that ol’ Kyle is one of four guys who have been guaranteed a spot in the bullpen this year…a guy who didn’t enter a single game with runners on base last year.

Oh…shit.

Last year his BABIP was .288. The year before? .314.

Oh…well…

All the while, his groundball to flyball ratio has been getting worse and worse every year. This is a problem because flyballs hit off Kyle tend to go a long way.

Shit.

But we need to think positive! This is baseball! Anything can happen! Kyle got glasses last year: maybe, in true Charlie Sheen fashion, he’ll suddenly be able to pick up the strike zone. Maybe his new-found ability to pitch from the full windup from time to time will turn him into the shutdown 7th inning guy we haven’t had since Jeff Nelson’s gingerballs graced our mound. Maybe American League hitters will finally notice his fearsome barbed-wire tattoo and be too busy pissing themselves in terror to notice the grizzly-dick straight fastball zipping by them.

Maybe.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Shit.

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Hi! My Name is: Joba Chamberlain

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

“And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid ... And the angel said unto them, "Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of Lincoln a Savior, which is Joba."

Well, let’s be honest…that’s what we’re expecting of this poor bastard.

Joba will be awesome this year. Bullpen, starter…doesn’t matter (though, it’s probably going to be bullpen). [EDIT: It is.] He will be awesome. But, I’m talking realistic awesome. Reliable 8th inning guy awesome. ERA between 2.50 and 3.00 awesome. If you’re looking for anything close to last year you’re asking too much. Not saying it’s not possible…it’s just not likely.

As long as Joba brings the same confidence and fire he brought last year he’ll be…y’know…awesome (the 98 mph fastball and sick breaking balls don’t hurt either). Now, if only he could pitch the 6th, 7th, and 8th of every game.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name is: Brian Bruney

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Strangely, one of the things the got me most excited this spring was when I saw that Bruney showed up lean and mean for Spring Training. As Yankee fans we must admit to ourselves – like, right now – that we need this guy. We need him to pitch the way he did in those 20 innings in 2006 or even like he did in his first 33 innings last year (where – as BP points out – he only allowed 5 extra base hits and threw to a tune of a 1.91 ERA).

One thing Bruney already has going for him, though, is that Joe Torre is out west abusing Scott Proctor. Hopefully, our new Joe won’t be as quick to throw relievers into his doghouse…especially since the legal team of Farnsworth, Hawkins, and Ramirez don’t seem to have the upside of young Brian.

That's all there really is to say about Brian. Although I think I once read that he used to work on a crab boat. So that's something. There must be a nickname in there somewhere, right?

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name is: Chris Britton

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Good fastball. Control problems. Weight problems.

(Note to self: copy and paste all of the above into Brian Bruney preview.)

Will probably see an awful lot of beautiful Scranton this year.

Oh, well. Wonder how the Orioles are enjoying Jaret Wright?

Seriously though, we’d be surprised (and incredibly worried) if Britton makes the Opening Day roster…mainly because he posted a BABIP of .310 in 37 games at Scranton last year. For those of you who are not familiar with BABIP – that means when he was hit, he was hit hard. Like really hard. That means a very straight fastball.

Which is bad.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name is: Jonathan Albaladejo (RP)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Once it was decided that Doug Mientkiewicz would not be returning to the Yanks we were left with an enormous hole in the roster. No, not backup first baseman - it was something much more important. Namely, who would assume the nickname “Eyechart?”

Lucky for us the Nationals were willing to deal an Albaladejo.

By all accounts, Albaladejo is a sinker-balling young reliever who relies on his off-speed stuff to get guys out. In other words, he’s Edwar Ramirez. We’ll probably see a bit of Jonathan early in the season simply because the Yanks are going to have to sort through the “bullpen.” He’s shown some ability to find the strike zone in the minors so we’ll hold out some hope for Eyechart…but we also won’t be surprised if he’s quickly relegated to innings 4, 5, and 6 of awful Mike Mussina starts.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Alex Rodriguez (3B)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Okay. We arrive at the nerve to touch all nerves. Here goes. Lecture style:

1. He is (very) arguably the best player in baseball.

2. In 2007, he produced one of the most staggeringly beautiful offensive years in the recent memory.

3. If he had gone to another team during the off-season the Yankees would have been a drastically worse team, and anyone who argues otherwise is being silly and melodramatic. (Tell us with a straight face that you wanted Joe Crede playing 3B this year instead of A-Rod.)

4. There is no statistical evidence to suggest that his presence hurts a team’s chances of winning. And the fact that he has never been on a championship team is what we call a fucking coincidence, not evidence.

5. The fact that he can’t get out of his own way when it comes to PR, and that his persona is ickily "phony" (and the fact that Scott Boras is an asshole) does not make him worse at playing baseball.

6. The Yankees made the playoffs in 2007 because of him. Truly. Literally. His Win Shares number was 39. Thirty-fucking-nine.

7. His 2005 and 2006 postseason performances were terrible. Undoubtedly. However, he is not a choke-artist. His career postseason stats include: 16 XBH (including 7 HR); .279 AVG /.361 OBP/ .483 SLG.

8. And, finally, although it might sound too nitpicky: The homerun he hit against the Indians in Game 4 of the ALDS in ‘07 mattered. It counted. The game was not over. In fact, it was close…made even closer by that HR. If you like to use the phrases “A-Rod” and “garbage time homerun” in the same sentence, stop.

Look, we don't love the guy and will, in no way, shape, or form, be apologists for him when he (inevitably) does / says something dumb. But, if you truly want the Yankees to win games, you should be truly happy to have Alex Rodriguez playing for your team.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Jorge Posada (C)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Starting in about July of last season, we began to lament the torrid start to which Jorge Posada had gotten off. We believed, as had been demonstrated in the past, that Jorge was destined to “regress to the mean” and finish the year mired in a slump that would see his offensive production fall off the face of the Earth and land him at the usual .275 / .380 / .480. Much to our surprise, though, Jorge not only maintained his performance, he was still improving at the end of September.

If ever evidence is compiled to prove the existence of “contract year magic,” those compilers will look no further than to the 2007 version of Jorge Posada. His OBP (.426) was forty-five points above his career average, while his SLG (.543) and AVG (.338) were both sixty points above his career average. Add in a career-high in hits (171, which demolished his previous personal best by 26) and you can write your own check And, ostensibly, Jorge did just that, as he was able to finagle a fourth year out of an already lucrative deal that has made him the highest paid catcher in history.

As the crow flies, Posada is due for a statistical drop-off in ‘08. No 36-year-old player – a catcher, no less – can be expected to buck his well-established offensive trends for more than a year. And, most likely, by the time 2011 rolls around and Posada is 40, has had two knee replacement surgeries, and is one of four Yankees designated hitters, NY sports radio callers will be cursing the contract, as all long-term deals to aging players are eventually cursed. But, at least, Jorge is our aging superstar. We watched him grow and, by God, we will watch him wither and die.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Jose Molina (C)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

In signing Jose Molina to a two-year contract the Yankees assured themselves of some much-needed speed off of the bench. (Bah-dah-bum!) We’ll be here all season. But, seriously, folks, having Molina as the backup backstop is one of those “little things” that can actually make a big difference when the year is over with and done. In a split (and, admittedly, non-existent) 2007 with the Angels and Yankees, Molina threw out 42% of runners attempting to steal, showed contortionist-like dexterity behind the plate and, by all accounts, was a guy the pitching staff liked throwing to.

Yankees fans should not expect much at the plate, as Molina’s .318/.333/.439 with the Bombers was not indicative of his career .245/.281/.348. That said, however, a well-timed hit here and there is not out of the question. Most importantly, though, Jose provides veteran presence and stability in a role that has wreaked havoc on the Yankees for years. I’m looking at you, Handsome Wil Nieves, Kelly Stinnet, Sal Fasano, and John Flaherty.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Hideki Matsui (LF / DH)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Hideki Matsui enters ’08 with a freshly-scoped knee and an open-wound in his cheek, after being dangled as trade bait by the Yankees during the off-season. Having briefly appeared to be headed for San Francisco, Godzilla leaves his heart in the Bronx and returns, following a 2007 campaign that, while not awe-inspiring, did produce 25 HR, 103 RBI, and an OBA and SLG consistent with his MLB career stats. Not bad when one considers, also, that his 2006 season was almost entirely lost, due to a broken wrist.

Despite the statistically “just fine” year, Matsui looked awkward at times. Like Johnny Damon, his mediocre-at-best defense and throwing arm seemed more pronounced, especially early in the year when (virtually) the entire team flatlined. As a result, whispers of Matsui’s decline have begun to echo (as they have for many of his teammates), and matters haven't been helped by his failure to appear in a game this Spring Training following the surgery; however, if he puts up another 2007 in 2008, then he can keep declining for as long as he wants.

What struck us as surprising, though, was that when rumors of Matsui-to-San Fran got hot and heavy this winter, nobody seemed to worry about losing this proven, middle-of-the-order bat. Do they expect more?

To read previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Derek Jeter (SS)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

What is it about this guy? We like to think of ourselves as objective fans, capable of rooting unconditionally for the Yankees while being realistic and critical when necessary. We realize that Derek Jeter is the second-best shortstop on his own team. We recognize that his defense is simply “fine” and that his offense is usually “really good,” but we also fall into that (large) group that would not give up the Captain for anything in the world. To try and define the reasons why would take up too much time and, frankly, would probably do more harm to Jeter’s God-like image than good, so we’ll just say “because.” We worship at his altar…because.

While some critics labeled Derek’s 2007 as a down year -- especially compared to his monster 2006 campaign (really, he was a beast) -- it was actually, quite literally, average. BA, OBP, and SLG were all within 10 points of his career mean, while hits, HR, RBI, runs scored, 2B, and BB also all hovered around his career average. And, while his fielding was statistically sub-par (18 errors), assuming that Jeter does not begin dating Alyssa Milano in ‘08, another perfectly strong year likely awaits.

To view earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Alberto Gonzalez (SS / 2B)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Well, hello, Mr. Gonzalez. Welcome to the discussion. While we don’t know much about you, the fact that you were acquired in the Randy Johnson trade and actually have a chance at becoming the third guy from that (seemingly) desperate deal to make the team is enough for us to love you unconditionally.

Despite resigning in disgrace from his position as Attorney General of the United States late in 2007, Gonzalez projects to be a defensive option for the Yankees, shoring-up the middle of the infield. His .976 fielding percentage led all of Triple-A last year, and he apparently has a knack for hitting triples, if not much else.

To view previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Jason Giambi (DH / 1B)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Holy shit, is Jason Giambi the starting first baseman?! Spitting in the face of reason, it appears that Mr. Giambi is the first-string option to man the not-so-hot-corner in ’08. Aided by the off-season jettisoning of Andy Phillips and Doug Menkietwiecz, the Bombers don’t appear to have many defensive options, especially with fleet-footed Wilson Betemit as the backup apparent. Why should this frighten Yankees fans? Well, it shouldn’t, as long as Yankees fans find a lack of basic fielding range, butchered ground balls, and sub-Little-League-quality throws to second and home comforting.

Well, at least the Giambino still brings the thunder at the plate, right? Right? Oh, boy.

With every mysterious, season-killing ailment that befalls Jason, we die a little inside. Last year, Giambi’s numbers were stunted by a lingering foot injury and the stats ended up eerily reminiscent of 2004, when a small worm ate away at his insides and a benign tumor infiltrated his pituitary gland. Ah, memories. So, while it might seem like a cop-out, we’re willing to say that it was Jason’s injuries that held him back in ‘07, especially when one considers that his OBP was nearly 60 points off of his career average and his SLG was off by more than 100 points (the only other year in which the numbers were so drastically skewed was the aforementioned ’04).

Meanwhile, the former offensive beast still maintained a finicky eye (40 BB in only 254 AB), but Giambi often looked like a shell of his former, 'roided self; sluggish and overmatched at the plate. Here's hoping that #25 will start playing for a new paycheck and that a little of the ol' WWE-lovin', tattoo-wearin', goatee-shavin' basher will return; however, there is also a distinct chance that Jason will continue to transform from a hitter that "doesn't swing at bad pitches," to a hitter that just, "doesn't swing." In that case, it's going to be a bumpy season.

To read previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Shelley Duncan (DH / RF / 1B / Elbow Smasher)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Is this kid excited, or just retarded? Of all the Duncans in the league, Shelley is definitely the most fun. If nothing else, the tension created by watching him nearly put every one of his teammates on the DL with a broken arm makes watching each and every game worthwhile. Shelley, who we have affectionately dubbed, “Lenny,” strikes us as the newest Shane Spencer. Which is to say, he has come out of nowhere, hit a lot of homeruns, and will soon be exposed as not being very good at baseball.

Look, Lenny is fun. He was clearly in awe of his teammates and, in a way, he reminded us that these guys are playing a kid’s game and that it’s supposed to be (gasp!) fun. The only problem is, what does Girardi do with him in 2008? Duncan doesn’t have a position (at least Shane Spencer was an actual outfielder) and on-the-job training doesn’t sound too appealing, especially with Giambi, Damon, and Matsui already in defensive limbo. Offensively, too, as entertaining as his homerun stroke was in ’07, it seems more likely that the .257 AVG Shelley posted is the statistic more likely to be repeated than his 1:10 HR/AB ratio. We don’t mean to shit all over the kid, but he may not be the best fit for this year’s team. And, really, those elbow bashes are just plain dangerous.

To read previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.

Hi! My Name Is: Johnny Damon (LF)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

2007 was by no means a lost year for Johnny, as his .351 OBP and .270 AVG did not stray too far from what he’s posted in the past (his 27 SB were also the most he’d swiped since 2003). And, while Damon’s .396 SLG was his second worst in 10 seasons, it doesn’t mean he can’t rebound; however, it was his fall from grace in centerfield that started fans worrying. Suddenly, we all took notice that the Demonic One’s throws from center were reminiscent of the kid in elementary school who sat and read books during recess and, when asked to throw an errant foul ball back to the kids who were playing a pick-up game, looked like he was heaving a two-ton boulder into the infield. Combined with Damon’s newfound tendency to hobble in the direction of a fly ball in the gap, Yankees fans have begun to believe that the beginning of the end is near. Most fans, though, will remain optimistic that a platoon in left and frequent DH’ing will keep Mr. Charming healthy and sprightly throughout the season.

The most important stat on Damon going into ’08, though, now appears to be the over/under on when we first hear about a nagging foot / knee / elbow injury that, while not bad enough to put him on the DL for the first time in his career, will be used by the team to explain why the leadoff hitter is batting .235 with no power and no speed. Last year it was Opening Day. This year, we’ll give Johnny a fighting chance and open the bidding at May 1.

To read previous "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.