The Madman: Yankees, Why Do You Tease Me?

There is no better time than following a torrid winning streak to complain about the team that you love.

I realize now how unfortunate it is that we did not post much of anything over the course of eight wonderful days for the Yankees. We saw lots of wins, resulting in a legitimate division-lead push, a fantastic (if mildly overrated) trade, and a series win in Fenway. If only we had decided to chime in then, and talk about how proud we were of this team.

But, alas, The Madman has returned to spew his bile in the midst of a logic-defying losing streak; a losing streak that has brought back to light all of the Yankees' shortcomings: a lack of dependable starting pitching, a "light switch" offense that rises and falls like an ocean tide (ooh, figurative language!), and a frustrating tendency to play down to the level of the competition.

Things, in no particular order, that have caused me to pout:

It's my own fault that I continue to listen to sports talk radio, but I can't believe how many "fans" call-in to complain that Alex Rodriguez and Richie Sexson are problems for this team. Does anybody watch the games? A-Rod continues to produce and produce and produce. Richie Sexson continues to sit on the bench, the bench, the bench and (when on the field) play firstbase at a higher level than Giambi and Betemit put together. Please direct your frustrations at legitimate concerns, like...

Melky Cabrera. Everybody makes a big deal about the injuries the Yankees have suffered this year, but I maintain that it's the injuries that haven't befallen us that are holding us back. Why can't Melky and his .652 OPS (2nd worst amongst starters), his 127 Total Bases (worst amongst starters), and his 28 Walks (worst amongst starters) pull a hamstring once in a while?

Robinson Cano. Thanks, Robbie, for remembering that you play professional baseball! If I hear one more person talk about the "cold weather" hampering Cano's swing I'm going to impale him or her with a piece of shattered, maple bat. A really hot July and August does not negate three months of shit. The man makes millions to hit the ball and (occasionally) field it. Learn to do both of those things - you know - the whole fucking year.

Darrel Rasner. Will someone please put this kid out of his misery? Pitching to a 1.80 ERA in May, Rasner ballooned to a 6.47 in June and, fortunately, has trimmed that ERA down to a healthy 6.32 in July. I know ERA doesn't tell you everything you need to know about a pitcher, but in Rasner's case, it does. He stinks. A lot. And yet, the brass seems to believe that he'll return to form. What they don't realize is that Darrell is in form. This is him. And that's a problem.

Derek Jeter. I could talk about The Captain's subpar year, but that doesn't really get to me. In the end, his numbers will be fine. He's actually on pace to strike out less than he has in the last five years; however, my complaint revolves around one statistic in particular: double plays. Derek has grounded into 16 of these bad boys so far in 2008, leading the team. In the last week alone, I've seen him hit into three, each time with a runner in scoring position. This type of inning-killing, out-creating must stop in order for the Yankees to succeed.

Jorge Posada. Damn you, sir, and your shoulder muscle tear. What frustrates me about Posada, besides the massive contract that looks like it will serve as a pre-pension pension by the time these four years are up, is the diva-like attitude that Jorge adopted, all the while knowing that his shoulder was shot. He complained about not wanting to play first; that he was a catcher and wanted to catch (goddamit!); that it was unfair to say he could no longer make the throw to second. A week later, he's riding the pine and deciding when (not if) to have his surgery. Thanks for holding us up for a good two months, Jorge. Much obliged.

Mariano Rivera: I know. Blasphemy. But, seriously, Mo, is the excitement of a save opportunity the only thing that gets you going? Rivera has given up runs in only seven (!) appearances this year, yet six (!) of those appearances have been non-save situations (with the Yankees either tied or trailing). The most recent example has occurred as I type this very complaint, as Mo has given up a "garbage time" homerun against the Orioles that has ended up being the game loser, as the Yankees have executed one of their patented "Holy-Shit-It's-The-9th-Inning-Let's- Take-Our-At-Bats-Seriously" comebacks. Michael Kay likes to insist that Rivera is having his best year ever. Trust me...he's not.

Xavier Nady / Damaso Marte. They really haven't done anything badly. But they will! Oh, yes, they will.

And The Madman will be watching.
_

Seriously, Dude? Come On. Seriously?

Let's use our imaginations for a second.

You're Alex Rodriguez.

With a runner on first in the 9th inning of a tight game -- a game that, if won, will give your team a sweep of the Wild Card-contending Oakland A's -- you are heads-up enough to back-up Derek Jeter on an errant throw from Bobby Abreu after the aforementioned right fielder has already dropped a routine fly ball. In backing-up the shortstop, you are able to flip the ball back to Jeter and force out the runner (who had initially retreated to first base, thinking the ball would be caught). For all intents and purposes, by being alert and defensively intelligent, you have saved the game and contributed to pulling your team back into striking distance of the division lead.

You wake up this morning and pick up the NY Daily News, fully expecting to find out that you're still banging Madonna, but believing that you will be celebrated for your "heads-upness."

Instead, you read this, by Mark Lelinwalla:

"Alex Rodriguez did his best Derek Jeter impersonation Sunday with a flip play to help the Yankees beat the Oakland A's.

Of course, Jeter's came in a playoff game while A-Rod helped seal an otherwise routine July triumph."

You close the paper and stick another pin in your Derek Jeter voodoo doll, realizing that no matter what you do on the field, it will never, ever, be good enough. For anyone.
_

Hi! My Name Is: Derek Jeter (SS)

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

What is it about this guy? We like to think of ourselves as objective fans, capable of rooting unconditionally for the Yankees while being realistic and critical when necessary. We realize that Derek Jeter is the second-best shortstop on his own team. We recognize that his defense is simply “fine” and that his offense is usually “really good,” but we also fall into that (large) group that would not give up the Captain for anything in the world. To try and define the reasons why would take up too much time and, frankly, would probably do more harm to Jeter’s God-like image than good, so we’ll just say “because.” We worship at his altar…because.

While some critics labeled Derek’s 2007 as a down year -- especially compared to his monster 2006 campaign (really, he was a beast) -- it was actually, quite literally, average. BA, OBP, and SLG were all within 10 points of his career mean, while hits, HR, RBI, runs scored, 2B, and BB also all hovered around his career average. And, while his fielding was statistically sub-par (18 errors), assuming that Jeter does not begin dating Alyssa Milano in ‘08, another perfectly strong year likely awaits.

To view earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.