Something wicked this way comes.
With Dan Giese now headed to the DL, the Yankees are suddenly in need of a 4th starter.
Rumblings have grown into whispers, and whispers (I fear) will soon turn to chilled cries of horror.
Carl Pavano may be ready to return to The Bronx.
If this misfortune is due to befall us, it is understandable. The Connecticut Kid's contract is coming off of the books and the Yankees might certainly want to squeeze some "production" out of their prized, walking infirmary. What's more, when your other pitching option is Phil Hughes, the (former?) crown jewel of prospects, it seems logical that Pavano becomes the guy you rush. What does Brian Cashman care if Pavano is not quite "there"? Get on the mound, dipshit.
So, on the ever-more-realistic chance that Carl makes it back to the Bigs (without incident), here are the possible outcomes, as I see them.
Please choose one of the following:
A) Carl Pavano returns and is abysmal; the Yankees miss the playoffs, and Carl rides, ever-so-quietly, into the sunset, never to be heard from again.
B) Carl Pavano returns and is astoundingly good; the Yankees ride to a world championship on Carl's fragile back; Carl is rewarded by Brian Cashman (whose job has been saved) with a new contract and his career is reborn.
C) Carl Pavano returns and removes himself from his first start in the 3rd inning, citing an unspecified "soreness" that no medical test can confirm or locate; Carl is never heard from again.
D) Car Pavano returns and pitches with a Darrell Rasner-esque mediocrity; the Yankees miss the playoffs, but Carl's performance is just passable enough to warrant a $1 million, incentive-laden, 1-year contract from...let's say...the St. Louis Cardinals.
Personally, I'll vote "D," not only because it's baseball economics at its finest, but because Pavano's stealing money from the Yankees for four years and then parlaying that theft into yet another contract feels like the appropriate way for this whole disaster to end.
Thoughts? Alternative (more infuriating) scenarios?
_
Showing posts with label Darrell Rasner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Darrell Rasner. Show all posts
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Madman: Yankees, Why Do You Tease Me?
There is no better time than following a torrid winning streak to complain about the team that you love.
I realize now how unfortunate it is that we did not post much of anything over the course of eight wonderful days for the Yankees. We saw lots of wins, resulting in a legitimate division-lead push, a fantastic (if mildly overrated) trade, and a series win in Fenway. If only we had decided to chime in then, and talk about how proud we were of this team.
But, alas, The Madman has returned to spew his bile in the midst of a logic-defying losing streak; a losing streak that has brought back to light all of the Yankees' shortcomings: a lack of dependable starting pitching, a "light switch" offense that rises and falls like an ocean tide (ooh, figurative language!), and a frustrating tendency to play down to the level of the competition.
Things, in no particular order, that have caused me to pout:
It's my own fault that I continue to listen to sports talk radio, but I can't believe how many "fans" call-in to complain that Alex Rodriguez and Richie Sexson are problems for this team. Does anybody watch the games? A-Rod continues to produce and produce and produce. Richie Sexson continues to sit on the bench, the bench, the bench and (when on the field) play firstbase at a higher level than Giambi and Betemit put together. Please direct your frustrations at legitimate concerns, like...
Melky Cabrera. Everybody makes a big deal about the injuries the Yankees have suffered this year, but I maintain that it's the injuries that haven't befallen us that are holding us back. Why can't Melky and his .652 OPS (2nd worst amongst starters), his 127 Total Bases (worst amongst starters), and his 28 Walks (worst amongst starters) pull a hamstring once in a while?
Robinson Cano. Thanks, Robbie, for remembering that you play professional baseball! If I hear one more person talk about the "cold weather" hampering Cano's swing I'm going to impale him or her with a piece of shattered, maple bat. A really hot July and August does not negate three months of shit. The man makes millions to hit the ball and (occasionally) field it. Learn to do both of those things - you know - the whole fucking year.
Darrel Rasner. Will someone please put this kid out of his misery? Pitching to a 1.80 ERA in May, Rasner ballooned to a 6.47 in June and, fortunately, has trimmed that ERA down to a healthy 6.32 in July. I know ERA doesn't tell you everything you need to know about a pitcher, but in Rasner's case, it does. He stinks. A lot. And yet, the brass seems to believe that he'll return to form. What they don't realize is that Darrell is in form. This is him. And that's a problem.
Derek Jeter. I could talk about The Captain's subpar year, but that doesn't really get to me. In the end, his numbers will be fine. He's actually on pace to strike out less than he has in the last five years; however, my complaint revolves around one statistic in particular: double plays. Derek has grounded into 16 of these bad boys so far in 2008, leading the team. In the last week alone, I've seen him hit into three, each time with a runner in scoring position. This type of inning-killing, out-creating must stop in order for the Yankees to succeed.
Jorge Posada. Damn you, sir, and your shoulder muscle tear. What frustrates me about Posada, besides the massive contract that looks like it will serve as a pre-pension pension by the time these four years are up, is the diva-like attitude that Jorge adopted, all the while knowing that his shoulder was shot. He complained about not wanting to play first; that he was a catcher and wanted to catch (goddamit!); that it was unfair to say he could no longer make the throw to second. A week later, he's riding the pine and deciding when (not if) to have his surgery. Thanks for holding us up for a good two months, Jorge. Much obliged.
Mariano Rivera: I know. Blasphemy. But, seriously, Mo, is the excitement of a save opportunity the only thing that gets you going? Rivera has given up runs in only seven (!) appearances this year, yet six (!) of those appearances have been non-save situations (with the Yankees either tied or trailing). The most recent example has occurred as I type this very complaint, as Mo has given up a "garbage time" homerun against the Orioles that has ended up being the game loser, as the Yankees have executed one of their patented "Holy-Shit-It's-The-9th-Inning-Let's- Take-Our-At-Bats-Seriously" comebacks. Michael Kay likes to insist that Rivera is having his best year ever. Trust me...he's not.
Xavier Nady / Damaso Marte. They really haven't done anything badly. But they will! Oh, yes, they will.
And The Madman will be watching.
_
I realize now how unfortunate it is that we did not post much of anything over the course of eight wonderful days for the Yankees. We saw lots of wins, resulting in a legitimate division-lead push, a fantastic (if mildly overrated) trade, and a series win in Fenway. If only we had decided to chime in then, and talk about how proud we were of this team.
But, alas, The Madman has returned to spew his bile in the midst of a logic-defying losing streak; a losing streak that has brought back to light all of the Yankees' shortcomings: a lack of dependable starting pitching, a "light switch" offense that rises and falls like an ocean tide (ooh, figurative language!), and a frustrating tendency to play down to the level of the competition.
Things, in no particular order, that have caused me to pout:
It's my own fault that I continue to listen to sports talk radio, but I can't believe how many "fans" call-in to complain that Alex Rodriguez and Richie Sexson are problems for this team. Does anybody watch the games? A-Rod continues to produce and produce and produce. Richie Sexson continues to sit on the bench, the bench, the bench and (when on the field) play firstbase at a higher level than Giambi and Betemit put together. Please direct your frustrations at legitimate concerns, like...
Melky Cabrera. Everybody makes a big deal about the injuries the Yankees have suffered this year, but I maintain that it's the injuries that haven't befallen us that are holding us back. Why can't Melky and his .652 OPS (2nd worst amongst starters), his 127 Total Bases (worst amongst starters), and his 28 Walks (worst amongst starters) pull a hamstring once in a while?
Robinson Cano. Thanks, Robbie, for remembering that you play professional baseball! If I hear one more person talk about the "cold weather" hampering Cano's swing I'm going to impale him or her with a piece of shattered, maple bat. A really hot July and August does not negate three months of shit. The man makes millions to hit the ball and (occasionally) field it. Learn to do both of those things - you know - the whole fucking year.
Darrel Rasner. Will someone please put this kid out of his misery? Pitching to a 1.80 ERA in May, Rasner ballooned to a 6.47 in June and, fortunately, has trimmed that ERA down to a healthy 6.32 in July. I know ERA doesn't tell you everything you need to know about a pitcher, but in Rasner's case, it does. He stinks. A lot. And yet, the brass seems to believe that he'll return to form. What they don't realize is that Darrell is in form. This is him. And that's a problem.
Derek Jeter. I could talk about The Captain's subpar year, but that doesn't really get to me. In the end, his numbers will be fine. He's actually on pace to strike out less than he has in the last five years; however, my complaint revolves around one statistic in particular: double plays. Derek has grounded into 16 of these bad boys so far in 2008, leading the team. In the last week alone, I've seen him hit into three, each time with a runner in scoring position. This type of inning-killing, out-creating must stop in order for the Yankees to succeed.
Jorge Posada. Damn you, sir, and your shoulder muscle tear. What frustrates me about Posada, besides the massive contract that looks like it will serve as a pre-pension pension by the time these four years are up, is the diva-like attitude that Jorge adopted, all the while knowing that his shoulder was shot. He complained about not wanting to play first; that he was a catcher and wanted to catch (goddamit!); that it was unfair to say he could no longer make the throw to second. A week later, he's riding the pine and deciding when (not if) to have his surgery. Thanks for holding us up for a good two months, Jorge. Much obliged.
Mariano Rivera: I know. Blasphemy. But, seriously, Mo, is the excitement of a save opportunity the only thing that gets you going? Rivera has given up runs in only seven (!) appearances this year, yet six (!) of those appearances have been non-save situations (with the Yankees either tied or trailing). The most recent example has occurred as I type this very complaint, as Mo has given up a "garbage time" homerun against the Orioles that has ended up being the game loser, as the Yankees have executed one of their patented "Holy-Shit-It's-The-9th-Inning-Let's- Take-Our-At-Bats-Seriously" comebacks. Michael Kay likes to insist that Rivera is having his best year ever. Trust me...he's not.
Xavier Nady / Damaso Marte. They really haven't done anything badly. But they will! Oh, yes, they will.
And The Madman will be watching.
_
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