The Madman: Yankees, Why Do You Tease Me?

There is no better time than following a torrid winning streak to complain about the team that you love.

I realize now how unfortunate it is that we did not post much of anything over the course of eight wonderful days for the Yankees. We saw lots of wins, resulting in a legitimate division-lead push, a fantastic (if mildly overrated) trade, and a series win in Fenway. If only we had decided to chime in then, and talk about how proud we were of this team.

But, alas, The Madman has returned to spew his bile in the midst of a logic-defying losing streak; a losing streak that has brought back to light all of the Yankees' shortcomings: a lack of dependable starting pitching, a "light switch" offense that rises and falls like an ocean tide (ooh, figurative language!), and a frustrating tendency to play down to the level of the competition.

Things, in no particular order, that have caused me to pout:

It's my own fault that I continue to listen to sports talk radio, but I can't believe how many "fans" call-in to complain that Alex Rodriguez and Richie Sexson are problems for this team. Does anybody watch the games? A-Rod continues to produce and produce and produce. Richie Sexson continues to sit on the bench, the bench, the bench and (when on the field) play firstbase at a higher level than Giambi and Betemit put together. Please direct your frustrations at legitimate concerns, like...

Melky Cabrera. Everybody makes a big deal about the injuries the Yankees have suffered this year, but I maintain that it's the injuries that haven't befallen us that are holding us back. Why can't Melky and his .652 OPS (2nd worst amongst starters), his 127 Total Bases (worst amongst starters), and his 28 Walks (worst amongst starters) pull a hamstring once in a while?

Robinson Cano. Thanks, Robbie, for remembering that you play professional baseball! If I hear one more person talk about the "cold weather" hampering Cano's swing I'm going to impale him or her with a piece of shattered, maple bat. A really hot July and August does not negate three months of shit. The man makes millions to hit the ball and (occasionally) field it. Learn to do both of those things - you know - the whole fucking year.

Darrel Rasner. Will someone please put this kid out of his misery? Pitching to a 1.80 ERA in May, Rasner ballooned to a 6.47 in June and, fortunately, has trimmed that ERA down to a healthy 6.32 in July. I know ERA doesn't tell you everything you need to know about a pitcher, but in Rasner's case, it does. He stinks. A lot. And yet, the brass seems to believe that he'll return to form. What they don't realize is that Darrell is in form. This is him. And that's a problem.

Derek Jeter. I could talk about The Captain's subpar year, but that doesn't really get to me. In the end, his numbers will be fine. He's actually on pace to strike out less than he has in the last five years; however, my complaint revolves around one statistic in particular: double plays. Derek has grounded into 16 of these bad boys so far in 2008, leading the team. In the last week alone, I've seen him hit into three, each time with a runner in scoring position. This type of inning-killing, out-creating must stop in order for the Yankees to succeed.

Jorge Posada. Damn you, sir, and your shoulder muscle tear. What frustrates me about Posada, besides the massive contract that looks like it will serve as a pre-pension pension by the time these four years are up, is the diva-like attitude that Jorge adopted, all the while knowing that his shoulder was shot. He complained about not wanting to play first; that he was a catcher and wanted to catch (goddamit!); that it was unfair to say he could no longer make the throw to second. A week later, he's riding the pine and deciding when (not if) to have his surgery. Thanks for holding us up for a good two months, Jorge. Much obliged.

Mariano Rivera: I know. Blasphemy. But, seriously, Mo, is the excitement of a save opportunity the only thing that gets you going? Rivera has given up runs in only seven (!) appearances this year, yet six (!) of those appearances have been non-save situations (with the Yankees either tied or trailing). The most recent example has occurred as I type this very complaint, as Mo has given up a "garbage time" homerun against the Orioles that has ended up being the game loser, as the Yankees have executed one of their patented "Holy-Shit-It's-The-9th-Inning-Let's- Take-Our-At-Bats-Seriously" comebacks. Michael Kay likes to insist that Rivera is having his best year ever. Trust me...he's not.

Xavier Nady / Damaso Marte. They really haven't done anything badly. But they will! Oh, yes, they will.

And The Madman will be watching.
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YES Network Needs To Get Laid, Apparently

The pseudo-second half of the 2008 season began tonight with the Yankees taking on the Oakland Athletics and the YES Network was hot to trot.

First, we at Piss and Wynegar salute the network for beating us to the punch when it comes to making childish puns related to Richie Sexson. Before the game even began, the stats of the Yanks' new part-time first baseman (I'll take credit, by the way) were presented with the header, "Sexson and The City." Nice job, YES. The play on words was topical and, most importantly, conjured images of entitled, stuffy white women drinking cosmopolitans to fill the oversexed voids in their lives. Now that's baseball. Nothing gets me ready to watch a ballgame like the thought of Kim Catrall's vagina. Nothing.

Second, I must admit a new appreciation for David "Capt. Obvious" Cone after he shared a questionable on-air anecdote about his early days in the minors. Seems that one small town organization used to run a "25 Cent Beer" gimmick every Wednesday night. Cone, with great pride, recalled that the team owner would allow the players -- with a win -- to stay late and "finish off the kegs." What's more, Cone also gleefully recalled that the young, college-aged "usherettes" employed at the stadium would also be permitted to partake of the libation.

After Cone finished his tale of drunken debauchery, Ken Singleton could only muster an uncomfortable, muffled chuckle.

Nothin' like good ol' sports broadcasting. Fun for the whole family!
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To The Contrary, Sign Sexson

Many, many, many Yankees fans and bloggers (and media personalities, and scouts, and omnipresent "sources") have railed against the idea of bringing Richie Sexson to The Bronx for the remainder of the season. No one wants anything to do with this "loser" for whom "the Yankees have no need," to borrow a couple of remarks from other commentaries.

However, if I may be so bold (and I may cuz it's my site), this is actually shortsighted resignation on the part of the fans. Let me explain:

First of all, Sexson will play for the league minimum wherever he lands, as Seattle is still on the hook for the remainder of his $15,500,000 salary in 2008 (gulp).

Secondly, to say that the Yankees have no need for a right-handed bat is lunacy. All of their power, with the exception of A-Rod, comes from the left side. Furthermore, at this point, two of those left-handed hitters are on the shelf (Matsui and Damon). Tell me, are you truly comfortable with the menacing presence of Jose Molina, Wilson Betemit, righty-Melky, and an occasional appearance by Justin "God-Fearing" Christian?

No, neither am I. So, please don't tell me that Sexson has no roll. He's an acutal first baseman, with a career Fielding % of .994 (which is more than can be said for Betemit, Jorge Posada, and -- let's face it -- Jason Giambi), and he's a right-handed hitter who, when he connects, hits the ball a long friggin' way. All of these things are currently lacking in Yankees Universe.

And lastly -- and here's where I blow your mind -- for all of Sexson's shittiness this year, he's been insanely good against left-handed pitching. Please observe:

vs. Lefties (in 61 AB): .344 BA / .423 OBP / .623 SLG / 1.046 OPS

Yowzas! Not bad for a dude who just got cut by one of the worst teams in baseball.

Of course, against righties, Sexson is atrocious (.178 / .281 / .304 / .585), but the point here is that the Yankees won't ever, ever, ever need to use him against right-handed pitching! He will play solely against lefties and leave the righties to face the overstocked, lefty-hitting 1B contingent. And, his role as glorified bench player will be made completely palatable by the fact the Mariners are picking up the tab.

So, bring on Richie Sexson for all the reasons stated above.

Those, and the fact that he's got "Sex" in his name, making our job as bloggers much, much easier.
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