Hi! My Name is: Kyle Farnsworth

Each day, "Piss and Wynegar" will present Yankees "player previews" for the coming 2008 season. In what can only be referred to as a "revelatory" strategy, we will use statistics, as well as opinion, to further our analysis.

Oh…shit.

Here comes Farnsworth.

All we need to know is that ol’ Kyle is one of four guys who have been guaranteed a spot in the bullpen this year…a guy who didn’t enter a single game with runners on base last year.

Oh…shit.

Last year his BABIP was .288. The year before? .314.

Oh…well…

All the while, his groundball to flyball ratio has been getting worse and worse every year. This is a problem because flyballs hit off Kyle tend to go a long way.

Shit.

But we need to think positive! This is baseball! Anything can happen! Kyle got glasses last year: maybe, in true Charlie Sheen fashion, he’ll suddenly be able to pick up the strike zone. Maybe his new-found ability to pitch from the full windup from time to time will turn him into the shutdown 7th inning guy we haven’t had since Jeff Nelson’s gingerballs graced our mound. Maybe American League hitters will finally notice his fearsome barbed-wire tattoo and be too busy pissing themselves in terror to notice the grizzly-dick straight fastball zipping by them.

Maybe.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Shit.

To read earlier "Hi! My Name Is" entries, click here.