Gary Sheffield: Fragile Terminator

You know, as of this evening, four days of Spring Training had passed and something just didn't feel right. I hadn't been able to place my finger on it. Was it the overkill on the Clemens / HGH story? The litany of NBA trades being made? The fact that I have a baby due any second? No. I realize now: I was missing Gary Sheffield pouring on his specially designed brand of crazy.

Thank goodness all is now right with the world.

Now, this particular version of Gary-crazy happens to be difficult for me to come to terms with, especially since Sheff is directing his ever-present bile at another loathsome character in Scott Boras, his former agent. Seems that Gary is threatening to unload a whole bunch of "ugly things" (read: crazy, likely delusional, things) about Boras because of some pending litigation related to Boras's involvement (or lack thereof) in the completion of Sheffiled's 2004 contract with the Yankees.

Like any good Yankees fan -- heck, like any good baseball fan -- I maintain a great deal of disdain for Boras and his ego-maniacal, subversive tactics as an agent. The guy is skeevy, to say the least, and I have gleaned a great deal of satisfaction this offseason watching his high profile clients (A-Rod) and not-so-high profile clients (Kenny Rogers) tell him to shove it. The problem is, when Boras's combatant is Gary Sheffield, I really don't know who to root for.

When he was a Yankee, I really dug Sheff. He played hard, he played hurt, and he produced. But I always separated On-the-Field-Sheff and Off-the-Field-Sheff because, frankly, Off-the-Field-Sheff was, and is, an intolerable, insolent man-child. He has carried a victim complex with him throughout his career and, no matter how happy he seems at the beginning of a contract, you can bet the house that he will be whining and crying about being disrespected by the end of it.

What is so irksome about this new story is that, not only is Sheffield complaining again, he has created a seemingly new persona: baseball vigilante. He's the dude with the goods. Don't play with fire, or you might get burned. You get the idea.

Note some of his gems while talking to reporters about the Boras issue:

"[What I have to say about Boras] ain't going to be pretty...No fine is going to be big enough. No suspension is going to be long enough."

Oh, Gary. You big, bad man. You aren't scared of anybody, are you? You're so tough, I peed myself a little bit just reading that quote.

"Actually, I'm not supposed to be talking about [the case] at all...But, I am anyway."

You're a loner, Gary. A rebel. You and Pee-Wee Herman.

"Can you explain why (Miguel) Tejada gets [a six year contract], (Vladimir) Guerrero gets five years and I get three? [Boras] cost me two years of a contract because he was trying to tarnish my name."

Yes, indeed, Gary. Scott Boras cost you two years guaranteed on a contract that you, yourself, admit to negotiating with George Steinbrenner on your own. Hey! Maybe you should pick a fight with yourself now! That would be awesome.

And, finally, the topper:

"The whole year (2003) in Atlanta , I had to get the players' association to stop [Boras] from writing me threatening letters saying, 'Either you let me do your contract or I'll be forced to sue you.' That's a threat and harassment."

Actually, Gary, that's a heads-up. But, that's also beside the point. Reader, do you see how easily and quickly Gary transitioned from aggressor to victim there? It's like he's the schoolyard punk with the rich parents; the one who likes to harass all of the smaller kids but then runs home crying once somebody pokes him in the shoulder. Poor Gary's being threatened! What are you going to do about it player's association? Ugh.

In the end, I don't mean to paint Scott Boras as innocent here. In fact, I feel confident that his dealings were probably shady in some form or another. But I just can't take Sheffield's continual need for attention and sympathy. He's made a career of burning every bridge he's ever crossed and, not only is his act infuriating, it's predictable.

Gary, when you play a game for a living, and get paid millions to do it, most fans have no respect for insufferable babies. If MLB is out to get you, why don't you just go away? I have a sneaky feeling no one will chase after you.
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