I'm Writing A New Musical!

I hate Kevin Youkilis. Hate him. Sure, most Yankees fans say they hate Manny, or David Ortiz, but that's because they continuously beat our brains in on the field. I hate Youkilis because of what he clearly is as a human being: a petulant man-child.

My distaste for "Youk" began when he grew that goddamn goatee a couple of years back. It smelled of over-compensation; a theory that I began to believe in even more as the goatee grew longer and thicker with each passing series. Granted, this dislike was uncalled for, but it became warranted in August, 2007, when Youkilis, after Joba Chamberlain threw behind him on 2 consecutive pitches, turned to the homeplate umpire and could clearly be seen yelping, "Throw him out!" That's right, as opposed to charging the mound, or merely pointing his bat toward the pitcher and mouthing-off, He of the Facial Thicket hid behind the chest protector of an umpire, like a 7-year old little boy.

During tonight's game I was reminded of that pathetic display when Chamberlain again threw behind Youkilis (only this time it was one pitch, and it was behind the knees). Once again, Youk looked to the umpire for help, and when he didn't receive it he literally waited until the inning was over and complained to the ump again, in plain sight of camera and crowd.

Consider, too, that, earlier this season, Manny "Where Am I?" Ramirez called Youkilis out for having hissy fits, and you've got yourself a surefire asshole.

That's why I have decided to pen a new musical based on the life of one Kevin Youkilis. Behold:

"The Whiniest Bitch," a new musical by Pasqua.

Featuring such songs as:

• "The Bad Man Threw Behind Me"
• "I Wanna Play First Base (I Wanna!)"
• "Lost in Your Goatee"
• "Ball 4 is Job 1"
• "Walk Like A Man, Even When You're Not"
• "I'm An All-Star and You're Not"

and

• "I Don't Know Much, But I Know You're A Douchebag" (a duet with Manny Ramirez)

I really think this show has potential. Feel free to contribute any additional song ideas.

P.S. I'm also penning a tune based on Joe Girardi. The working title: "I'm Wound Tighter Than My Offense"
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