Hope CC Doesn't Read the Paper

Leave it to the New York media to find smoke where there is no fire. With the ascension of Hal "The Chemically Balanced One" Steinbrenner to the Yankees throne, it took beat reporters one day to try and turn Boss II into his father.

When Hal remarked (off-handedly, on his way out of a meeting, mind you) that the timetable on the Yankees' ridiculously lucrative offer to CC Sabathia is "not indefinite," reporters decided to make it a scandal. Today's NY Daily News, for instance, grandly pronounces on its cover that Hal has ordered Sabathia to "make up his mind." Other news sources have echoed the sentiment, somehow confusing a bland (and obvious) comment with a stern mandate.

Of course the goddamned offer isn't indefinite. As a colleague of mine pointed out today, it is most surely temporary, if only because it will probably be taken off the table so that the Yanks can offer the big boy even more money when a West Coast team gets in on the bidding.

In any event, the reaction to this non-story got me thinking...imagine if the media treated every mundane remark with the same hyperbolic frenzy:

*"Incredulous McDonald's Employee Insists That Fries Be Considered"
*"Pessimistic Weatherman Refers to Mostly Sunny Day as Partly Cloudy"
*"Cop Orders Suspect to Put Hands on Head; Does Not Say 'Please'"
*"Dentist's Patient Spits While in Chair"
*"Barack Obama Taxes Wealthy; Establishes Socialist Government"

That last one is too ridiculous to even imagine being printed.

In other news: Hey, did you know Mike Mussina retired? Did you know he's a borderline Hall of Famer? Did you know he likes crossword puzzles? Did you know he knew he would retire before this season even began? Did you know he won 20 games for the first time in 2008? Did you know he was kind of a dick to the reporters who are now celebrating him as "his own man"? Did you know he was so bad in 2007 that he lost his spot in the rotation but that everyone has conveniently forgotten that because it tarnishes a "feel good" story?

I sure didn't know all that. I'm glad every reporter on the planet has filled me in over the last 24 hours.

Oh, wait. I did know all that. Wow. I've wasted a lot of time today.
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Seriously, The Man Behind The Curtain Is Not Particulary Intelligent

As an undeniably satisfying follow-up to yesterday's post regarding Hank Steinbrenner's rant about Joba Chamberlain and the state of the Yankees pitching, we have a delicious tidbit heretofore undiscovered.

Here's a Hank quote from the now infamous New York Times article: "[Mussina] just needs to learn how to pitch like [45-year-old Phillies pitcher] Jamie Moyer."

Really, Hank? Moose needs to pitch more like Moyer?

Well, shiver-me-timbers! Lookie-lookie:

Most HR given up to Manny Ramirez (career):
1. Jamie Moyer (10)
2. Mike Mussina (9)

Done, and done.

See? And you think no one listens to you, you stupid bastard.
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Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

While the newly ordained and newly insufferable mouthpiece of the Yankees, Hank Steinbrenner, preens and prickles like a spoiled child, placing his frustration over a 10-10 start on the fact that Joba Chamberlain isn't in the starting rotation, it has become frighteningly apparent that no one in the hierarchy is paying attention to, you know, the games being played on the field.

For instance, although many Yankees bloggers (and reporters, and talk show hosts, and my barber) have already made mention of it, does Joba Chamberlain have anything to do with the team's .231 BA with runners in scoring position? What's more, to add insult to the already injury-plagued point, guess who has the most AB with RISP so far this season? That's right, it's Robinson Cano. He's come to the plate a whopping 24 times with runners at second and/or third and hit to the tune of .167. At the risk of oversimplifying the matter, that statistic would be no different if Joba were starting; ere go, Joba is not your problem.

Point the Second, the Yankees have been shut-out 3 times already this year. For a powerhouse offense, that seems rather awful. 30% of your losses have been shutouts? Hmm. For what it's worth, in 2007, the Yankees were shut-out for the third time on June 27. That's a differential of over two months. Have I removed all context in this case? Yes. But it is still a fact.

What's more, the Yankees have scored 41 innings thus far in 2008. On 8 occasions, the pitching staff has failed to post a goose egg in the next inning. In other words, 20% of the time, the Yankees are giving back runs immediately after scoring them. A small sample size? Indeed. But it is still a fact.

Shall I remark on Jason Giambi's .071 BA and .142 SLG?

Hank & Co.: Do the people who spend countless days and nights watching your team play baseball, and, likely, hundreds of dollars (and hours in traffic) each year attending games, really have to point out how unintelligent you sound? Fix what's broken, instead of wasting your breath on issues "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

Oh, yes. I dropped Shakespeare on your ass.
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