Gentlemen, Start Your Inane Ranting

When the Yankees miss the playoffs, everybody loses.

Pete Abraham (Yankees beat reporter for The Journal News) has a super-terrific blog which, unlike us, he updates a ton with Yankees news. The blog has a HUGE following, but unfortunately many of the readers are completely irrational and infuriatingly stupid. We know this because they can't help but comment on Abe's blog...a lot.

Yesterday, Abraham posted a 4-sentence story which stated, simply, that Larry Bowa was staying with the Dodgers and, thus, the Yankees would have to consider other 3B Coach options, including un-retained Brewers manager, Dale Sveum.

Here's a sampling of the 150 comments (literally) that followed this innocuous piece of information:

"Is Mike Gallejo still with the Rockies coaching staff? He’d be a good choice for 3b coach. What about Tim the Rock Raines?" First: Mike "Gallejo"? Second: Why do people just love to pick a player out of their ass and anoint them as the answer to our base coaching prayers? As if they have some inside information about the way they windmill their arms or hold up their hands as a runner rounds the bag? "Homer Bush was fast. He'd be the perfect 3B coach because he'd make them run harder towards home! We gotta get this guy!"

"[The Brewers] treated Dale Sveum very shabbily. He takes over, gets them to the playoffs and he’s not even considered for the Brewers job?" He "got them to the playoffs" by managing 12 games, over which span they played .500 ball. Is there no justice?

"Nice going Cashbum. You miss out on Bowa and then Gallego. Terrible." "Cashbum." Punny. Also, notice that this guy has bought the previous guy's comment about Gallego hook, line and sinker. Suddenly he's a hot commodity. But, really, he's got a point. How the fuck are we supposed to win a championship if Mike Gallego isn't our fucking 3B coach?!

"Torre is really out to screw his ex-team I bet he begged Bowa to stay, oh well." It's all part of that manipulative bastad's master plan.

"This off-season is turning into an utter disaster." This might be my favorite comment of all, if only for the sheer, pouty lunacy of it. It's October 24th, not a single free agent has been signed by anybody, the World Series is two games old, and an old man who maybe/sort of had a chance at coming back to coach 3B is not coming back. This, of course = disaster for Yankees.

"Might as well trade cano now." Yup. It's over, Johnny. (Let it be said that I'm only, like, 20 comments into this post. These are coming one right after another.)

"Good to see Gallejo land with the A’s. Don’t be surprised he’s the next hot managerial candidate. The man knows baseball." "Gallejo" again. This is becoming like some sort of sociology experiment, where somebody validates a pointless or non-existent "something" and, suddenly, everyone needs to have it, even though they have absolutely no idea why.

"Luis Sojo for 3B coach! He can’t coach 3rd, but he will be a voice in that clubhouse" Obama for President! He can't be President, but he can eat seafood!

"Honestly I could care less who the 3B coach is at this point." Sanity! "Bowa was the ONLY option in my opinion. Anybody else will be the lesser pick as long as it not Meacham I’m alright with it." Less and less sane and then, finally, insane.

"If you want a no nonsense guy as a 3b coach, go get Ted Yost - formers Brewer manager." This guy has so carefully weighed the pros and cons of Yost as a potential 3B coach that he has discovered Yost's first name is actually "Ted," not "Ned," as previously believed by everyone in the fucking free world.

"Letting torre go may eclipse not trading for santana as the move that dooms the franchise." See that old dude drinkin' green tea and blowing out Scott Proctor's arm every year? Johan Santana can't hold that dude's jock strap. (pause) Yes, that Johan Santana. (pause) Yes, the greatest left-handed pitcher in baseball. That one. He's got nothin' on Torre. Nothin.'

"I thought Bowa wanted to return to the East Coast to be with his family? I guess his loyalty to Torre is more important than his family." Conjecture, anyone?

"Phil [Hughes] looks mean with those glasses and sporting the goatee." If by "mean" you mean "sexy" then, hell yeah, he looks mean!

Four months 'til pitchers and catchers, people.
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