This Just In: Pitchers Aren't Athletes

For the longest time I had trouble rectifying the fact that pitchers are terrible hitters. "Why can't they hit?" I would quietly mouth to no one, as I watched yet another hurler swing wildly (and unattractively) at three consecutive fastballs. "What's the deal?" I would mutter, as a National League pitcher grounded meekly to the shortstop, soon to be thrown out by 75 feet.

After a time, I finally came to terms with the idea that a pitcher's job is so refined, so particular, and so (dare I say?) artistic, that they just can't be expected to dedicate any time to their hitting skills. Why work in the cage when you could be developing a sinker? Why risk diving into a pitch when you could be going over scouting reports? Sure, once in a while a pitcher actually shows some ability at the plate, but the Dontrelle Willis's (and we all know how well things have worked out for Dontrelle...) and Micah Owings' of the world are the noteworthy exceptions to a rule seeped in traditions of offensive embarrassment.

Today, however, my frustration regarding pitchers and offense was rekindled by one Chien-Ming Wang. During the game, after Wang reached on a fielder's choice with 2-out, John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman mentioned the fact that the Yankees must be uncomfortable with Wang on the basepaths, fearing for his health. "Come on!" I thought, "Honestly, can we give pitchers some credit for their abilities? All he has to do is run...maybe."

And then, Chien-Ming rounded third on a Derek Jeter single. Upon hitting the bag he sprained his right foot / broke his right foot / tore muscles in his right foot / watched as his right foot detached from his body (details are sketchy).

Wang had to be helped back to the dugout, and was seen leaving the stadium on crutches and in a soft cast.

Because he ran the bases.

He ran 180 feet. Once. And he may be lost for the season.

I feel like a recovering addict that has fallen off the wagon. It took me years to understand why pitchers are terrible hitters, and now, my mind is awash in new frustration.

Pitchers can't even run.

They can't even fucking run!
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