The Game Plan: A Short Play by Pasqua

Setting:
-Fenway Park, Boston, MA; visitors' clubhouse

Time:
-April 12, 2008; approximately 2:00 pm EST

Characters:
-Mike Mussina, NY Yankees Starting Pitcher
-Dave Eiland, NY Yankees Pitching Coach

[EILAND approaches MUSSINA to discuss the pitcher's upcoming start against the Boston Red Sox.]

EILAND: Hey, Moose.

MUSSINA: [Putting down his newspaper.] Hey, Eils.

EILAND: Finishing your crossword, huh?

MUSSINA: You know it. Can you think of a 7-letter word for "Carb crisper?"

[Pause.]

EILAND: "Toaster"?

[MUSSINA picks-up his newspaper and counts, silently.]

MUSSINA: Bingo. Nice job, Eils.

EILAND: Glad I could help. But, actually, Moose, I'm here to talk about your start today.

MUSSINA: Oh, right. Feelin' good, coach. Gotta say, my knuckle curve is really knucklin' and curvin' lately.

EILAND: Excellent, Moose. Excellent. But, listen, have you looked at the numbers on some of these hitters lately?

MUSSINA: Got 'em right here.

[MUSSINA holds up his "Boston Red Sox Media Guide."]

EILAND: Did you notice that David Ortiz is hitting like .075 on the year?

[MUSSINA scans a page in the media guide.]

MUSSINA: Papi...Papi...Papi...oh, here it is. Yup. David Ortiz, .075. 3 hits all year.

EILAND: Right. So, I'm figurin', with Papi slumping so badly, there's only one guy in their lineup that we really need to worry about today.

[MUSSINA looks skyward, pondering; contemplative.]

MUSSINA: Lugo?

EILAND: No.

MUSSINA: Youkilis?

EILAND: Nope. Though, that goatee is intimidating.

MUSSINA: I give up. Who do we have to worry about?

EILAND: Well, Manny's hittin' behind Ortiz, as usual.

MUSSINA: Oh, right! Manny...in the clean-up spot!

EILAND: Right.

MUSSINA: Yeah, I've been thinking about how to pitch to him, what with Ortiz hitting .075 and nobody else in the lineup possessing any real power or plate coverage, except for Manny.

EILAND: Good. That's good, Moose. So, now that we've established that Manny is the only guy in the lineup who can do any real damage to us, what with Ortiz mired in a horrible, horrible slump, how are you going to go after him?

MUSSINA: Hanging breaking balls and 85 MPH fastballs that leak back over the middle of the plate, coach.

EILAND: 'Atta boy, Moose. 'Atta boy.

[EILAND turns and goes, leaving MUSSINA to resume his crossword puzzle in peace.]

Fin.